Father's Day Ties
Ties? Still? Why are ties the go-to symbol for Fathers’ Day?
Most men of my generation go to work in funky t-shirts and jeans. Or, if they are very formal, khakis and button down shirts with no tie. And, on those rare occasions where I have seen men in ties, there have been jokes about choking and strangulation.
I know the tie harkens back to an old idea of fathers dressing up in suits for the office, to go to church and dressed down to a cardigan and collar only to cut the grass and do home repairs. A tie would have been a good gift for my grandfather. If he were still alive, he would be 90 this year.
But for my own late-father who came of age in the 1960s? For my children’s father whose life is cutting-edge technology and modern convenience personified?
It’s not that we’re completely without symbols for modern fatherhood. For dads who coach their kids’ sports team, teach their kids to play electric guitar and take their kids out fishing, there are plenty of coffee mugs, t-shirts, key chains and other forms of giftware to tell them that they’re number one. My own dad wanted notepads and pens, chocolates or caramels, a cup of coffee and a Sunday donut to celebrate any occasion, whether it was Fathers’ Day, Christmas or his birthday. My kids don’t have anything that simple to fall back on.
Like many families, ours is not perfect. Impending- divorce, distance and disagreement are still fresh wounds among us, but the kids get on with their daily lives with happy activity and comforting routines. Among their friends and broader family, there is no fathering standard for them to envy or admire or despise. Fatherhood is in a state of social flux and every man is doing it his own way in a way that meets his own needs. Or, to be fair, in a way that meets his children’s needs.
It makes for a greater sense of individuality in what it means to be a father, and to be fathered, in this day and age. My children’s father is theirs. His role in their lives, and their roles in his, are matters that pump through their own veins like the bloodlines they share. It’s rich and real and too complicated to be something any of us can tie up in a knot at our throats.
No, the tie is definitely not the right symbol for celebrating a modern Fathers’ Day. Like any other loving relationship, whether it’s easy or difficult, the best symbol for that is the heart.
Kate Baggott is a Canadian writer whose work spans from experimental fiction to technology journalism. And here she shares her view on Father's Day Ties.